Feedback is a gift—but let’s be honest, it doesn’t always feel that way. Adam Grant’s concept of the “Second Score” offers a powerful reframe. Instead of focusing only on the feedback itself, he suggests scoring yourself on how well you take it. This shift can transform how you grow, learn, and succeed.
Why Is Feedback So Hard to Take?
Receiving feedback can be tough because it feels personal. Our brains are wired for self-protection, and criticism can feel like a threat. Even constructive feedback can trigger defensiveness or shame, making it hard to absorb and act on.
But avoiding feedback stunts growth. If we reject it, we miss chances to improve. Mastering how we receive feedback is one of the most valuable skills we can develop.
Why the “Second Score” Matters
Adam Grant suggests rating yourself not just on performance but on how well you receive feedback. This second score shifts the focus from protecting our ego to improving our response.
When you measure your ability to take feedback well, you create space for learning. You also signal to others that you’re coachable, which builds stronger relationships and career opportunities.
Strategies for Taking Feedback Well
If feedback stings, you’re not alone. But you can train yourself to handle it better. Here’s how:
1. Pause Before Reacting
Your first reaction might be defensiveness. Instead, take a breath and pause. This small moment helps you respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally.
2. Separate Feedback from Identity
Feedback is about a behaviour or performance, not your worth as a person. Shift your mindset from “I failed” to “I have something to improve.”
3. Ask Clarifying Questions
If feedback is vague or unclear, ask for specifics. “Can you give me an example?” shows curiosity and a willingness to learn.
4. Thank the Person Giving Feedback
Even if the feedback is hard to hear, gratitude shifts your mindset. Saying, “I appreciate you taking the time to share this,” builds trust and openness.
5. Find the Truth in the Feedback
Not all feedback is perfectly delivered, but there’s often value in it. Look for the useful part, even if the delivery wasn’t ideal.
6. Apply and Follow Up
Taking feedback well isn’t just about listening—it’s about using it. Try the suggestion, then check back in: “I worked on that. Do you see improvement?”
Second Score: The Power of a Growth Mindset
By focusing on your “Second Score,” you shift from resisting feedback to embracing it. And when you do that, the possibilities for growth are endless.
Your ability to take feedback well directly impacts your success. A growth mindset—believing you can improve with effort—makes feedback feel like an opportunity rather than a threat.
Why Feedback Feels Hard—and How Therapy Can Help
If feedback feels challenging, you’re not alone. But with practice, you can turn it into a powerful tool for growth. Start by rating yourself on your next piece of feedback—how well do you take it?
Feedback can be uncomfortable because it taps into deeper fears—rejection, failure, or not being “good enough.” Past experiences shape how we handle criticism.
Therapy can help you:
🔍 Identify why feedback feels triggering
🗣 Build confidence in expressing yourself
💡 Learn tools to make feedback feel constructive, not stressful
At Inner Trailheads, we help people navigate feedback with clarity, confidence, and self-compassion. If feedback feels overwhelming, we’re here to help.
At Inner Trailheads, we help you navigate feedback with clarity, confidence, and self-compassion. If feedback feels overwhelming, our team is here to support you. Ready to improve your feedback skills? Book a session with us today!
About The Author
Melissa Pyne is the Founder and Clinical Director of Inner Trailheads in Waterloo, Ontario. Known for her warm and non-judgmental approach, Melissa specializes in helping people break free from patterns that keep them stuck, heal trauma, and build deeper connections with themselves and others. She has a particular passion for supporting helping professionals and has become known throughout her career as a therapist for therapists.